Sunday, July 27, 2008

Restaurant Management 101

After four days in Zanzibar, I am delcraing myself an expert on the weather patterns. From 10 to 2 every day it is overcast with periods of rain. During this time (assuming I am not in my scuba course) I am studying the art of doing business in Zanzibar and sharing the wealth with those of you who might be considering opening a business here. This first entry is on restaurant management.

Like most areas of the world. The wait staff here has to go through training before working at a restaurant. The following is an excerpt from the training manual we think they follow.

Wait until customer has been seated for about 20 minutes before bringing menus. Allow them ample time to peruse. Take order. Go smoke a joint. See if the kitchen actually has the food. 20 min later, take order again either because the kitchen didn't have food or you forgot to put the order in. Stop to watch the sunset for a while. Bring drinks... to the wrong table first. If you don't remember what they ordered, Kilimanjaro beer is a safe bet. Check to see if the second order of food is available. If meat was ordered, locate animal to kill (if beef was ordered, stray dog is an acceptable substitute). If eggs are ordered for breakfast, consult with at least five other chefs on the appropriate method to scramble an egg. Run out to help your buddy tow in a fishing boat. The sun has set now, so stargaze for a while. Pulling in the boat was tough work, smoke another joint. Get food from the kitchen and carry the plates around to every table except the table who actually ordered it. With a confused look, walk back into the kitchen to consult and figure out where the food is actually supposed to go. Bring food to the appropriate table. If they ask for anything extra (e.g. ketchup), just smile, nod, and hope that someone else will deal with it. After dinner, attempt to prepare the bill. If the calculator is broken, just forget it and hope someone else deals with it since the customer will inevitably ask everyone else in the restaurant the same way they did with the ketchup. It's been a long night - be happy you're not working for tips.

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